Guest Blog

Unpeeling their troubles repeatedly revealed the same picture: relationships either broken, or never existing to a meaningful degree in the first place. And, equally invariably, the building or rebuilding of meaningful relationships was a part of the answer. These reflections led to the founding of the Relationships Project in 2018. 

We believe that to respond to the big challenges we’re facing as humans – how to foster understanding, respect differences, live equitably; how to care for the displaced, protect the natural world, trade fairly – we need good relationships. That’s why the work the Roots Programme is doing is so important: bringing people together who might otherwise never meet, supporting all of us to transcend social bubbles, and encouraging curiosity, compassion and connection. 

Everything works better when relationships are valued. I know this to be true, and yet, at times when I’ve been stressed – when my to-do list has felt never-ending – taking the time to build and maintain good relationships has felt inefficient. During lockdown, I was working with an organisation that supported older people who were living alone. Sometimes, when I needed to organise prescription deliveries, or set up a meeting with social services to discuss referrals, it felt an unproductive use of time, chatting on the phone to Val about about the minutiae of our days (I’d burnt my toast again, she thought the writing on Neighbours was going downhill, we both missed the seaside). But there’s a growing body of evidence that suggests investing in relationships, like Val and I did with each other, is a very good use of time. 

Good relationships don’t just cheer us up on a difficult day. They reduce hospital admissions and costs, too. When we have good networks of support around us, we’re more likely to take our medication; we have people who can check in on us and support us with daily tasks. In Frome, work on building social networks led to a 14% reduction in hospital admissions, compared to a national increase of 28% over the same time period, resulting in a 21% reduction in costs. Good relationships don’t just make life worth living. They improve our chance of survival in a disaster. When we know our neighbours, we know who needs help evacuating their home, we know who has access to a generator, we know who to call at the local authority to help coordinate the response. The death rate following the 2011 Japan tsunami was up to ten times lower where social connection was strongest, and this was more significant than the height of the sea wall and the height of the wave. At the Relationships Project, we draw together this evidence to make the case for investing in relationships in different contexts. We connect people working in the field of relationships and we equip individuals and organisations with the knowledge, skills and practical tools to strengthen their relationship-centred practice. 

What do we mean by relationship-centred practice?

Relationship-centred practice is putting relationships first: it’s positioning meaningful and effective relationships as the first order goal, both as an end in itself and the means by which other goals will be achieved, because relationships are not a frilly accessory in a stable childhood, a happy neighbourhood, a thriving school, compassionate social care, a responsible government. They are the making of it all.

Relationship-centred practice (RCP) also recognises that relating well isn’t something you’ve either got or you don’t. Relating well is something we can all learn to do better. It’s not just about being chatty and friendly – Val and I did a lot of that together, but we also often disagreed about politics, about lockdown rules. At the Relationships Project, we believe the capacity to challenge one another is a core pillar of a good relationship: to hold tension alongside compassion and forgiveness, positive listening, kindness and mutual trust. But it’s not just on the individual to hone their skills. For relationship-centred practice to become widespread, and sustainable, we need to be creating policies, processes and norms that enable each of us to put relationships first. There needs to be focus, intention, investment and support at multiple layers of an organisation, a community, a system. 

You can read more about what we mean by RCP here. Maybe you’ve got a different definition or ideas about what makes a good relationship? We’d love to hear your thoughts. 

What is ‘the relationships field’?

We are a small core team: David, Immy, Neil and me. Immy co-founded the organisation with David, and has a background in research and design. She’s also a jockey! Neil works in conflict transformation. He’s a community mediator and a professor at Durham University. I’ve worked in communities in Liverpool, Manchester and London, connecting younger and older neighbours, and banging the drum for prioritising relationships.

But while we’re a small core team, there are so many people in so many spaces doing brilliant work to build better relationships (the Roots Programme is one). We call this the relationships field. Somewhat ironically we’re not always well connected with each other. That’s why, four years ago, the Relationships Project embarked on a mission to help build and strengthen the field of relationship-centred practice, drawing on the fantastic work that’s been done to strengthen other fields like malaria prevention and microfinance. We’ve done things like develop the Relationships Map, host field-wide in-person gatherings, surfaced common challenges faced by relationship-centred practitioners, and begun to collate wisdom around navigating them. We’ve also linked up with others to advocate for more relational policies. 

How can people connect with you?

Each month, we host Time Together – group sessions that are an opportunity to make connections and share a bit about each other’s interest in relationships. And for those who have a specific idea or question they’d like to explore with us one-to-one, we also have bookable Time for a Chat. 

And there are many more ways to connect with our work: 

• Put yourself or your organisation on the Relationships Map 
• Read about a barber who puts relationships first, an organisation in Gateshead building bridges, or our response to the US presidential election 
• Sign up to our newsletter for the latest from the field of relationships.  

Building relationships really matters to us (as you might have guessed by now), and we would love to connect with you.