Heidi Heinemann

 I grew up living in a caravan. ALSO, my caravan was parked in the car-park of my international private school, we lived there for a while. I was Jewish. ALSO, we lived in the Middle East and all of my friends were Muslim.

My grandma was in the Hitler Youth as a teenager and till her passing held antisemitic views. ALSO, she loved her Jewish grand-children dearly.

We moved onto an East London council estate, 8 of us squeezed into a tiny 2 bed flat. ALSO, at the same time, I went to a private boarding school and one of my best friends was the granddaughter of a Lady.

A lot of my holidays were spent working underage in a chippy to help pay for my school uniform. ALSO, I would find a weekend here or there to escape on holiday to my friends’ houses, to enjoy their pools, or even once, to their Monaco summer house to mix with the rich and famous on their super yachts.

Someone very close to me claimed to be a universalist (accepting of all religions and cultures). They married one Filipino lady and one German lady and are the most well-traveled person I know. ALSO they claimed to vote for the BNP.

They claimed to be a healer, and even the Messiah at one point. ALSO, this same person abused our family, daily.

Whilst I was away at boarding school, my sisters ran away from home, failed their exams, became homeless; one fell pregnant as a teenager and both fell into abusive relationships. ALSO, they are the most inspiring and powerful women I know.

What has this taught me? Why does the ROOTS programme matter?

People don’t always fit into simple categories. Social identity theory shows us that naturally humans form ‘in-groups’ and ‘out-groups’; people we identify with ourselves are our ‘in-group’ and those who we perceive to be different are in the ‘out-group’. The Roots Programme offers an opportunity to become aware of these categories and start to consciously and actively re-shape them. 

As our world changes more rapidly as a consequence of climate change, war and economic migration, a need for people to re-shape their in-groups is becoming more urgent. Without this, we risk increased polarisation, division and massive inequality, not only between communities, but also within ourselves. We are pulled between the different parts of our complex identities (like my own) that don’t fit the traditional categories that we may have been used to.

Not only is this important for our future, but also for the present. My own experiences highlighted to me that young people from the different parts of my life had no real idea of what the other was really like or the challenges that the other faced. I became incredibly aware of the massive division between young people from state and private schools , the misconceptions that they have about each other, and the in-group/out-group dynamics that are strongly at play.

When I started dating a boy from a state school, private school peers laughed and said ‘Why are you wasting time with a peasant’. Before you think this no longer happens, I have been in 2 conversations in the last 2 months where this and worse language was used. 

On the other side, when I shifted from state to private, I lost all of my state friends as they perceived that I left because I thought I was better than them. When I dated people from state schools, they would be congratulated by their state school peers for dating a private school girl and were asked how big my house was. The actual reality was, I lived in a smaller and poorer house than they did. 

For a person of colour, things were much worse. With a thick Birmingham accent, Jamaican heritage, and a bubbly vibrant personality, my best friend stood no chance of ever really fitting into private school categories. She was branded the 4 B’s (Big, Black, Birmingham, Bitch). To this day, the trauma of what she experienced still affects her. 

Back then, with such limited categories and so desperately wanting to fit in, I felt shame about my sisters and would not let them visit me at my private school and was fearful of rejection by peers. Now, I have a greater critical understanding of social identity and comprehend the restrictiveness of in-groups and out-group categories. For example, I see my sisters in a completely new light, for the incredibly strong and powerful women that they are. 

If I could wish one thing for myself, it would have been for my school community to offer me, and other chameleons like me who did not fit into one accepted, standardised mould, opportunities to embrace our complex identities and expand our in-groups to include all the different communities and groups that we were a part of. For all the people in all of my different worlds, I would wish for them to be more connected, curious and compassionate about each other. For them to have critical insight into each other’s lives and a better understanding of how some of our current systems and beliefs about one another can perpetuate division and inequity within our society. 

This would have made my journey to acceptance of myself a heck of a lot less turbulent, and the journey of my peers into the incredibly diverse real world, a lot less uncomfortable and much more inclusive. If only given the chance, they could have found unexpected connections and allies in those who appear to be an ‘other’, reconstructing their ‘in-group’. 

This is the opportunity Roots offers. To step into someone else’s life, to connect and find allies in seemingly unlikely places and ultimately re-form our in-groups. This is how we can all find wider belonging in the UK and in the world. This is how we can walk into unfamiliar spaces without fear, trusting that we can find connection and belonging there.

Many of us have complex identities and have lived across various divides  –  What are yours and how have you bridged them?

If you have a story to share for our blog, please contact Roots on info@rootsprogramme.org