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complex-identity

Crowd with a large tree above them. A sign held up reads 'Love for all, Hatred for none'

Empathy, migration and humanity

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Photo credit: Emma Turner

So many of us feel the hardness, loneliness and disconnection around the places we have lived all our lives. It’s impossible to imagine migrating to a place where you add into that a lack of familiarity with not just the place, but the language, foods, weather, customs and the very landscape itself. I had a very privileged glimpse when my son was a tiny baby and very ill overseas and I had to make sense of the medical system. It seemed impossible to navigate and I was faced by person after person who could not understand exactly what it was I was unable to comprehend or confused by, being so familiar with it themselves. The process to get seen by someone was unfathomable to me. All was well in the end for us though, I never once imagined I would be turned away once I had found my way and this was just a fleeting glimpse, not a whole new life with a raft of oncoming, interconnecting alien experiences before me.

Lots of us have friends, colleagues or people in our day-to-day lives, around the shops, services and spaces we regularly inhabit, that have migrated to the UK who have encountered the differences, hurdles, assumptions and challenges of living outside of the experience they were born into somewhere else. Have you ever asked them about their unique observations of the UK, the things they encountered that seemed entirely crazy to start with? Some of us seldom cross paths with anyone who has experience of migrating across the world to be here. What are your assumptions around those that choose a life here over the one they encountered as they entered the world?

We know that various players in the media want us to believe certain, simplified and distorted pictures about those that migrate here, to benefit whatever end/policy/camp they are seeking to support. We also know that migrating people come here for many reasons; study, marriage, a perceived better life for themselves and their families, seasonal work, asylum and refuge, and many more complicated reasons beyond. When we choose to migrate to Australia, France, Spain or any of the other usual destinations for migrating Brits, would we expect to be caricatured and labelled too? I’m certain we are and yet we know in our hearts that the reasons behind any movement, especially with family in tow, are complex and unique to each situation and that, as individuals, we all hold different values and cannot possibly be lumped together.

Part of my family are believed to have moved from Eastern Europe and settled around Spitalfields/Whitechapel in the 1880’s, apparently along with 90% of all the Jewish people migrating here, until the first world war. Charitable Societies to support the huge influx of working-class Jewish people fleeing a hostile Europe at that time gave new arrivals the tools to survive, such as signposting to work, soup kitchens, cheap lodgings and made a huge number of small interest-free loans available that enabled many to start their own businesses. So, a collection of people who showed kindness to strangers helped to ensure I appeared here far later in 1977. Thank you 19th C East End Societies.

According to government data, this year has seen the greatest number of people arriving via small boats than ever before, a stat reported widely and yet ‘in 2021, there were around 9 asylum applications for every 10,000 people living in the UK. Across the EU27 there were 14 asylum applications for every 10,000 people. The UK was therefore below the average among EU countries for asylum applications per head of population, ranking 16th among EU27 countries plus the UK on this measure.’ The hyper-visibility of boats coming across the channel makes the front page, not the balanced truth. We’ve seen plenty of reports in the media labelling people ‘illegal migrants’ or just ‘migrants’, using dehumanising language to further set us apart, and we must learn to think mindfully and critically about the information we are being fed. This year, Red Cross researchers found that 74 per cent of the UK public has sympathy towards refugees and asylum seekers – up from 59 per cent in December 2022, so perhaps the divide and conquer rhetoric is not succeeding.

Join us in our new six-week exchanges between people who have migrated to the UK and those whose families have lived here for generations. If you believe a more connected, curious and compassionate society is possible, then let’s examine and reimagine the kind of welcome we offer people. Roots curate up to an hour a week of offline activities between you and a partner that we pick for you for three weeks, followed by three guided conversations for the final three weeks. These offer you an opportunity to reflect on your life and the lives of others, to ask questions, share ideas and to look at our society through another lens. Noticing our similarities always brings great joy and appreciating our differences and talking about them offers us rich opportunities to learn, develop and create a society that works for all of us.

The programme is fully funded by The National Lottery Community Fund, individual participants do not need to pay. We start again in October, please register your interest here.

 

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The Roots Exchange: Different Lives

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Abiola and I, here at The Roots Programme, are getting ready to start another round of our gently held exchanges from March. Our Roots Exchanges are over around 6 weeks and involve us pairing up people from different places with different lives around the UK to ‘see how the other half live’. Some of the time it might feel like having a pen pal, and at others it feels like taking part in a Human Library, it involves sharing and reading and listening to another perspective.  We believe a more connected, curious and compassionate society is possible, and our exchange offers ‘unlikely’ connections with people from across our society, that you otherwise might never stumble across, with a life experience different to your own to be curious about.

It can be difficult to step outside our social bubbles, we tend to surround ourselves with people who share similar beliefs, values, and experiences as us. This is often referred to as ‘homophily’, the tendency to associate with people who are similar to us. Our social bubbles can be formed by a variety of factors, including our geographic location, our education background, our occupation, our socioeconomic status, and our interests and hobbies. We may also be influenced by the media we consume and the online communities we participate in.

Stepping outside our bubble is an opportunity for personal growth and learning. It can help us to develop empathy and understanding for people who are different from us and to broaden our perspectives. It can also be a way to build relationships and connections with people who we may not have otherwise encountered. Roots ensure people come together as equals, we give you the common goal of connecting compassionately with your partner and allow you space to cooperate, all whilst held gently and supportively together by the Roots team.

Some people on the exchange find themselves sharing and communicating with someone entirely different to themselves, and others, despite our best attempts to pair across a range of differences, find a multitude of similarities with their partner in the end. Some people don’t reach the end, and that’s ok too. Any which way, to dare to try is the exercise we support – to take a step outside of the safety of your social bubble and to exchange our unique perspectives and life experiences with others is what we all need to do more of to dispel our fear of ‘other’ and to build a more connected and compassionate culture.

We don’t tend to give too much detail up front around our activities across the six weeks usually, to keep things fresh and interesting, but we’ve felt moods change. The social world and worlds of work that we must step back out into don’t feel quite as comfortable now, perhaps, as they once did, and so we have tweaked the exchange activities and made them more approachable and thought-provoking, we hope, with the psychological safety of knowing that the activities are very carefully thought out and won’t create tension between you. 

In week one we pair you and you learn only your partner’s name and you may hear a recording of their voice, but you won’t communicate directly for another few weeks. Week one should feel like a very, very gentle introduction. Again, in weeks two and three, you will share written or transcribed information about your tastes, your daily routine and your passions and interests, with Roots doing the actual exchanging of materials between partners, as intermediaries.

From week four partners begin to communicate directly, without Roots as intermediary, but to ease you in, we initially set a task to discuss on a phone call or an online call. After that, the final two weeks are conversations around themes that Roots believe we do not discuss often enough, our senses of belonging and of difference. The Exchange does not pitch people against one another, we want to reduce debate and argumentative conversation as our first port of call – we encourage and support compassionate curiosity and dialogue, that is what this space is for, to practise those things mindfully and with intent to go away and plant seeds within your own worlds for the same. As I said before, we believe that a more connected, curious and compassionate society is possible.

Join us on an exchange

 

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What are the complexities in your identity?

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 I grew up living in a caravan. ALSO, my caravan was parked in the car-park of my international private school, we lived there for a while. I was Jewish. ALSO, we lived in the Middle East and all of my friends were Muslim.

My grandma was in the Hitler Youth as a teenager and till her passing held antisemitic views. ALSO, she loved her Jewish grand-children dearly.

We moved onto an East London council estate, 8 of us squeezed into a tiny 2 bed flat. ALSO, at the same time, I went to a private boarding school and one of my best friends was the granddaughter of a Lady.

A lot of my holidays were spent working underage in a chippy to help pay for my school uniform. ALSO, I would find a weekend here or there to escape on holiday to my friends’ houses, to enjoy their pools, or even once, to their Monaco summer house to mix with the rich and famous on their super yachts.

Someone very close to me claimed to be a universalist (accepting of all religions and cultures). They married one Filipino lady and one German lady and are the most well-traveled person I know. ALSO they claimed to vote for the BNP.

They claimed to be a healer, and even the Messiah at one point. ALSO, this same person abused our family, daily.

Whilst I was away at boarding school, my sisters ran away from home, failed their exams, became homeless; one fell pregnant as a teenager and both fell into abusive relationships. ALSO, they are the most inspiring and powerful women I know.

What has this taught me? Why does the ROOTS programme matter?

People don’t always fit into simple categories. Social identity theory shows us that naturally humans form ‘in-groups’ and ‘out-groups’; people we identify with ourselves are our ‘in-group’ and those who we perceive to be different are in the ‘out-group’. The Roots Programme offers an opportunity to become aware of these categories and start to consciously and actively re-shape them. 

As our world changes more rapidly as a consequence of climate change, war and economic migration, a need for people to re-shape their in-groups is becoming more urgent. Without this, we risk increased polarisation, division and massive inequality, not only between communities, but also within ourselves. We are pulled between the different parts of our complex identities (like my own) that don’t fit the traditional categories that we may have been used to.

Not only is this important for our future, but also for the present. My own experiences highlighted to me that young people from the different parts of my life had no real idea of what the other was really like or the challenges that the other faced. I became incredibly aware of the massive division between young people from state and private schools , the misconceptions that they have about each other, and the in-group/out-group dynamics that are strongly at play.

When I started dating a boy from a state school, private school peers laughed and said ‘Why are you wasting time with a peasant’. Before you think this no longer happens, I have been in 2 conversations in the last 2 months where this and worse language was used. 

On the other side, when I shifted from state to private, I lost all of my state friends as they perceived that I left because I thought I was better than them. When I dated people from state schools, they would be congratulated by their state school peers for dating a private school girl and were asked how big my house was. The actual reality was, I lived in a smaller and poorer house than they did. 

For a person of colour, things were much worse. With a thick Birmingham accent, Jamaican heritage, and a bubbly vibrant personality, my best friend stood no chance of ever really fitting into private school categories. She was branded the 4 B’s (Big, Black, Birmingham, Bitch). To this day, the trauma of what she experienced still affects her. 

Back then, with such limited categories and so desperately wanting to fit in, I felt shame about my sisters and would not let them visit me at my private school and was fearful of rejection by peers. Now, I have a greater critical understanding of social identity and comprehend the restrictiveness of in-groups and out-group categories. For example, I see my sisters in a completely new light, for the incredibly strong and powerful women that they are. 

If I could wish one thing for myself, it would have been for my school community to offer me, and other chameleons like me who did not fit into one accepted, standardised mould, opportunities to embrace our complex identities and expand our in-groups to include all the different communities and groups that we were a part of. For all the people in all of my different worlds, I would wish for them to be more connected, curious and compassionate about each other. For them to have critical insight into each other’s lives and a better understanding of how some of our current systems and beliefs about one another can perpetuate division and inequity within our society. 

This would have made my journey to acceptance of myself a heck of a lot less turbulent, and the journey of my peers into the incredibly diverse real world, a lot less uncomfortable and much more inclusive. If only given the chance, they could have found unexpected connections and allies in those who appear to be an ‘other’, reconstructing their ‘in-group’. 

This is the opportunity Roots offers. To step into someone else’s life, to connect and find allies in seemingly unlikely places and ultimately re-form our in-groups. This is how we can all find wider belonging in the UK and in the world. This is how we can walk into unfamiliar spaces without fear, trusting that we can find connection and belonging there.

Many of us have complex identities and have lived across various divides  –  What are yours and how have you bridged them?

If you have a story to share for our blog, please contact Roots on info@rootsprogramme.org